April Fool's Day

Once upon a time it was a random Tuesday evening. Lori and Bethany had just finished professing their undying love for each other, without saying a word. They were in a little bit of a loopy mood, but the interpretive dance was great. They came out of their room and joined Jessica, who was snacking on popcorn flavored lettuce. (zero points!) Just then Megan knocked on the door. "I'm bored," she said. Suddenly, a blur flew past her through the door, giggling as it ran into the hallway and slammed the door.
"Wow, that was odd." Bethany said.
"Just act natural." Lori answered.
So they sat and plotted their murders.
Jessica was not murdered, she just dropped dead. That can happen sometimes when you're gorgeous.
Bethany, also, was not technically musrdered. She was at home one weekend, taking care of her sheep. But, her sheep had gotten hooked on Doritos, and stampeded when they saw that she had a new bag. Unfortunately, sheep have bad aim, and poor Bethany was struck by a stray hoof.
Lori was actually murdered, though accidentally. One day, when she was alive and living healthily, she mistakenly told Peter that and alligator was a "large insect." Since, it being April and the weather not being retarded, there was no snow on the ground he could not simply re-igloo her car. Instead, he decided to re-igloo her car in green jello. He did not realize, though, that Lori had fallen asleep in her car. She woke up in a blob of green jello, and decided that the best way to escape was to eat her way out. Unfortunately, Lori had been the one to teach Peter how to make jello. He'd discovered a way to make it stiffer than she did, but it was still rather inedible. Lori died of food poisoning before she could make it out.


Once upon a time... later. In that same far off kingdom, there dwelt a young man named Mark. He was an upstanding young man, big, straight, a pillar of the community. One day he was sitting in his room, staring at a blank wall, doing homework. Suddenly his phone rang. (Ring ring)
"Mark!" It was Lori. "My computer! I was working on my homework, ok, so I was really playing on facebook, but my computer! It spontaneously combusted!"
"Sigh," Mark sighed. This happened about four times a day. "I'll be right there."
Mark really was on his way to help Lori with her computer, but as he was leaving his room he was accosted by his roommates. They had a barrell of monkeys.
And I'm really just not sure how well this plan was thought through. ...Master?
Ok, so forget the barrell of monkeys. Mark really did go help Lori put out the fire that her somputer had started. After he covered 211 with fire extinguisher foam he decided to go get ice cream.
He walked to the NFS building and stood pondering, should I get Aggie blue mint or caramel cashew? Fortunately, just then Justin came in, and was able to explain the different characteristics each flavor exemplified. Finally Mark decided on Lemon Custard, and left Justin to get back to his Jane Austen hating.
Mark really didn't feel like going back to his apartment to stare at blank white walls, so he decided to go for a drive. He climbed into his awesome jeep and headed up the canyon. After a while he pulled over to the side of the road. Getting out and walking around he saw some tracks and decided to follow them, thinking it might be a moose. He followed the tracks into a large round cave.
"Ah ha!" he thought. "I must be getting closer, it's leading me into its lair."
He was still following the tracks when the train hit him.