3 Times

Kevin: Wait, what are those?
Jane: Nothing.
Kevin: Are those?
Jane: NO.
Kevin: Are they bridesmaid dresses?
Jane: This is none of your business!
Kevin: Ohhh... goodness. What, you kept them all? You have a whole closet full, why?
Jane: I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them.
Kevin: Right. Well, that makes complete sense because they're... beautiful.
Jane: Some of them are not that bad.
Kevin: Not that bad? I'd like to see one of them that's not that bad.


I guess I'm lucky. I've never been in a theme wedding or anything like that (although I must say, I thought those Gone with the Wind dresses looked like fun when I saw the movie.) And the dress I already have I actually have worn again since the wedding. True, I don't wear it very often, but then, daily life is not exactly a formal occasion. Anyway, my point. I promise it is coming up here. So today I went to try on my dress that I'm going to wear at Shayla's wedding. And suddenly it hit me. Shayla's wedding will be my third as a bride's maid. A rather silly thing to be concerned about, I know. Especially if you consider the weddings that I've been pretty much an unofficial bridesmaid, like Sonya's and Amanda's.
But still. I don't know that I'm quite ready to be feeling this old.




Do you ever feel so many things that it's hard to put everything into words? I feel so many things that I don't quite know how to feel once they're all averaged out even. Am I happy, am I sad, am I scared, lonely, or confused? I think the answer is yes, all of the above. And quite a few more emotions as well. I feel as though I have multiple personalities, one for each emotion out there. And so, while I'm feeling everything at once I at the same time feel nothing, like I'm split in so many directions that all that's left behind is an empty shell. I really need to start getting my life figured out. One thing's for sure, I need a comfier couch. I'm hoping my new apartment will have a good one. But I think what I really need is a friend. Someone I can talk to when I get stuck in a feeling like this. Someone who understands that I only act like this when I'm sleep deprived and horrormonal. Someone to give me good smelling hugs and just tell me what I want to hear until I'm back to normal. But I don't think I've met him yet.
Listen to me being all sappy and dramatic. I think that's a sure sign that I'd better get to sleep soon. Goodnight, sweet dreams.